If you find men not paying much attention to you in the next coming weeks, it might not be you, it might be money worries. With what is going on in the economy men tend to go inward when they are concerned about their finances or their jobs. They aren’t thinking about dating other than maybe to get laid, which relieves them of the worry for a short time. So even though you might be worried as well, men take it as a jolt against their manhood. It’s not personal because they really can’t see you when their mind is filled with concerns about their future and their financial world.

When you do find yourself in a conversation with a man, keeping this in mind, being gentle and understanding, and open to just listening, might be exactly what will cause him to come out of his fog and really notice that you are someone special

Please come visit my coaching website where you not only get monthly opportunities for private coaching, you also get all my ebooks and courses as part of your small monthly membership fee.

From my heart to yours,

The problem with our fantasy based search for love is that we’ve got such a skewed idea of what love will look and feel like, that when it does arrive, we’re likely to miss it. Yes, in the beginning, it’s fun when the sparks fly and that chemistry thing is going hot and heavy, but, that doesn’t always happen. Often, we meet someone who has the qualities we’re looking for, but because the “chemistry isn’t there”, or he’s too short, or he laughs too loud, we write him off without giving him an opportunity to show that he actually is Mr. Right.

Chris didn’t like the way I looked in the photo I sent to him. But from what he was learning about me in our phone conversations prior to our first date, he knew he owed it to himself to at least meet. Fortunately for us, he has had a variety of serious relationships and knew to look beneath the surface, that time is required to move through the stages that all couples must move through in order to become a committed couple, and that I had unique qualities he’d never come across before. He was intrigued, to say the least.

Even though on “paper” we weren’t each other’s idea of the perfect match, we saw enough in each other’s hearts and souls to need to spend more time exploring the possibilities. We’re grateful that we saw enough in each other to keep searching for how good it could get. And with each passing month, as we’ve gotten to know each other better, it continues to get better and better.

How will you recognize the right man for you when you meet him? Do you know what qualities you’re looking for that will give you the kind of fulfilling relationship you seek? Or are you still being run by girlhood fantasies ans surface qualities? In my course, How To Recognize The Right Man For You, I teach not only what deeper qualities you should be looking for but I also show you how to determine your Intolerable Male Qualities™ so you don’t pick the wrong man. You have to know both to get the relationship you want.

With much love,
Kara

Kara Oh
The Heart Specialist™
Get 2 FREE eBooks at
DatingSuccessTechnology.com

Relationship Success Systems, Inc.
29438 Quailwood Drive
Rancho Palos Verdes, CA 90275

A professor who has recently become a world-wide inspiration, was asked to give a “last lecture” at his university. But between accepting this challenge and the date set for his giving his “last lecture,” he learned that he had pancreatic cancer with only months to live. Instead of backing out of the obligation, he chose to go ahead, inspired that someday his 3 small children would hear his “last lecture.” Little did he know that he soon would be sharing his wisdom with the world. Last Sunday’s LA Times Parade magazine summarized the 7 primary points he shared in his “last lecture”, which I offer here: Always Have Fun, Dream Big, Ask for What You Want, Dare To Take a Risk, Look for the Best In Everybody, Make
Time for What Matters, and Let Kids Be Themselves. What does this have to do with creating a fulfilling relationship? If you could live your life following Randy Pausch’s seven points; and in particular, take his last point and change it to Let You Be Yourself, you’d find that you’re more attractive and appealing as a woman, happier and living life more fully… which is Step 21 in my course mentioned above, Celebrate Being Alive. Think about it? If you met a man who was living life this positively, wouldn’t you be interested? The same goes for you.
Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture can be viewed here

A very touching trailer for the interview by Diane Sawyer that will
be aired Wednesday evening on ABC can be viewed here

The article from Parade doesn’t want to take my link. So if you’d like to read it go to Google and search for Parade, Randy Pausch, last lecture and the first or second link should get you there.

We should all be inspired by Randy’s life. As I teach in How To Stop Sabotaging Your Dating Success (maybe it should be How To Stop Sabotaging Your Life), become a 21-Stepper, Celebrate Being Alive! When you learn to do that, your entire life will begin to glow more brightly.�

With much love,
Kara

Kara Oh
Your Heart Specialist™
DatingSuccessTechnology.com

Relationship Success Systems, Inc.
29438 Quailwood Drive
Rancho Palos Verdes, CA 90275

A lot of women I talk to want to know how to tell if a man is interested. Here’s a question I got from a woman with my response to her:

Dear Kara,
I am terrible at reading signs from men. I never seem to know if they are flirting with me or just being friendly. How can I tell if a man is flirting with me or not? Are there some sure fire signs that maybe I can look for?
Evangeline (28)

Dear Evangeline,
For starters, even though a man might be flirting with you, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything. He probably is flirting if you feel like he is, but it doesn’t mean that he wants to have anything deeper than some fun. If you look at flirting as just a nice way for people to be playful it will help you to relax and simply enjoy the fun and attention.

Because men are afraid of approaching a woman with a request to go out, flirting is a “safe” way to get your attention. If you like the guy and wish him to show more interest than just playing and teasing, sending some signals that will give him the green light is a good idea. If he doesn’t respond then you can be sure it was “just” flirting.�

Here are some signals that you can send that will help let a man know you’re interested while allowing the two of you the pleasure of him pursuing you.

1) Smiling is essential for a man who has sensitivity. Without a smile he assumes you’re not interested and he doesn’t want to be pushy or risk a rude put-down. Not a big wide eye-blinding smile but a more subtle, coquettish smile.

2) Eye contact that lasts just a little longer than is comfortable will send clear signals. Next time you see a man you find attractive, notice how you want to drop your eyes.  Begin to allow that look to linger…just a little longer, with a hint of a smile. Definitely sends a message but yet keeps it feminine, which men love.

3) In conversation, touch his arm a couple of times. That breaks that barrier and releases the tension that’s caused when two people are attracted but not quite sure where they stand. Do it casually in conversation, maybe laughing at something he’s said. Just lean into that laugh and touch his forearm, in a way that says, “Oh you silly, that’s very funny.” If you’re not sure, watch how other women do it. It should be absolutely natural. Practice on friends. Actually, practice all these things, the smiling, the eye contact and touching, on people with whom there is no pressure, people you are not attracted to.

4) Ask questions that get them to talk about themselves…then listen. The best conversationalist is a good listener. They’ll think you’re marvelous and quite witty.

5) Don’t go into very much detail about your crazy side, if you have one. A man doesn’t want to think you turn into a monster before your period, or that you can’t get along with anyone. What men are looking for a woman they find attractive (gorgeous not necessary), who’s happy, self-assured, comfortable with herself, and enjoys being a woman. That’s all. Oh yes, and a woman who isn’t angry at men, appreciates them, and makes them feel special and needed…like a man.

7) Don’t ever be crass unless you want to be treated disrespectfully. Don’t swear and don’t lose control. Be a lady and you’ll go far.

With much love,
Kara

Kara Oh
The Heart Specialist™
Get a free eBook, 15 Dating Mistakes here:
DatingSuccessTechnology.com

Relationship Success Systems, Inc.
29438 Quailwood Drive
Rancho Palos Verdes, CA 90275

On the View this morning, and everywhere you look, there’s advice on how to “love the planet” by going green. I heartily agree with the wisdom of doing this. And there’s lots of heartfelt pleadings to help others in need. Again, a wonderful idea.

Here’s something I want to propose: Let’s love each other, right here, right now. Maybe I’m old fashioned but it seems to me that if we can develop our skills at loving, we can then spread that love in a variety of venues…. including loving the planet and our fellow humans.
We talk about the 50% divorce rate in the USA. What about people who date for a while, then part. We have no statistics on that. Can you imagine how depressing those statistics would be? When that’s happened to you did it start out with you thinking that maybe this person was “the one”? Do you know what caused things to turn around and go south? Did you learn from each of those experiences so you could go into the next dating situation wiser and better prepared, a little closer to being able to create a great relationship?

It makes me crazy that almost everyone buys into the  “once I meet the right person” mentality. That is not how it works. I suspect that, if you’ve been dating a while, you have met the right person… maybe several different times, but you didn’t have the relationship skills to create the relationship you’re looking for. If you keep getting it wrong, why on earth do you think that just having the right person show up will cause you to magically have the ability and know-how to build a relationship that is fulfilling and filled with love, respect, passion and friendship?

If you need to learn a skill to be better at your work, do you take a class or a course? If you need to get better at golf, you take lessons? Why not take relationship lessons? Why is that so threatening? There’s something about relationships that people think they should already know how to do it. But where did you learn to love and be loved? From you parents? How close to what you want was their relationship? From novels? How close to reality and day-to-day living are those stories? A boring read if it’s too close. Movies? Now that’s a great education… In under 2 hours we go from meeting, sorting it out, having a problem that always gets solved, then prancing off into the sunset, to live happily-ever-after with nary an ounce of strife. Gag me!

You need to wake up, become aware of all that is required to build a strong, healthy relationship that gets better with each passing day, week, month and year. It is possible. I’ve got that because I’ve taken the time and effort to learn how to do it right. My fiance’ tells me at least once a week how unique I am compared to the women he’s dated, the 2 women he’s been engaged to and his wife of 17 years.

I’m not perfect. Not even close. But I do know how to create an off-the-charts relationship that makes my and his heart sing.

I didn’t know what I was doing in my 29 year marriage. We were both docile and accepted the status quo. We were best friends and thought that was enough. Well, obviously it wasn’t because he had an affair, sneaking behind my back, lying to me, and me, all the while, oblivious about what was going on. I was an emotional wreck when I felt I had no other alternative but to file for divorce.

The difference between me and most others is that I used that experience to learn about myself, to develop my strengths, to become aware of what I did wrong, what he did wrong, and how to do it better next time. I immersed myself in the study of what makes men tick, what causes relationship to fail, how to communicate effectively, and how to create the dance steps that a man and woman in love must learn if they are ever to develop the ability to create a great relationship. I know of very few who seem to have that. How many do you know?

With each relationship after my marriage broke up, I learned and developed my theories about what it takes to create not just a relationship that can hold together for 29 years but a relationship that now surprises my fiance’ and I that we love each other more today than we did a year ago, six months ago, last week… that we have the best s*e*x of our lives - yes even after 3 1/2 years - that we enjoy each other’s company and miss each other terribly when we’re apart for a couple of days each week.

I’m not telling you all this to brag… no, I’m trying to inspire you to “DO THE WORK REQUIRED TO BE HAPPY!” It doesn’t happen on it’s own and love will not magically occur simply because you’ve met the right person. You need to prepare yourself so that the next time the right person shows up, you’ll know what to do.

Sorry for the rant but when I get emails from women who do stupid things, then wonder what went wrong… I get kind of crazy. So I beg you, open your eyes, take responsibility for why you don’t have the relationship you seek, and do whatever it takes… but only if you really do want to be with your ideal partner. If you don’t do anything different than in the past, the odds are that you will either stay alone, or if you do hook up with someone, after a short time, you’ll not be very happy. Start with the Dating Fitness Quiz… it’s *free* and then take a risk and order a Personal Dating Diagnostic so you can get yourself turned around and headed in the right direction.

With much love,
Kara

Kara Oh
The Heart Specialist™
DatingSuccessTechnology.com

There are some great lyrics in a Reba McEntire song, “Who I am is who I want to be.” Oh, if we could all live that way. The closer you get to that point, the more attractive you will be. The closer you can get to that point the happier, more centered, more at peace, more able to love and be loved you’ll be.

A very interesting and revealing exercise to do is to imagine going on a first date with you, sitting across the table from you… basically, putting yourself in your date’s shoes. What do you see? What do you feel? What qualities about you make you want to learn more? What qualities are off-putting? This is a very difficult exercise but when done with real honesty, it can be amazingly useful.

If you can’t do this for yourself, ask a close friend to go on a mock date with you. Have them play-act every stage, from first phone call on through each stage of a “real” date. To make it even more effective, go down the Dating Fitness Quiz questions after the date and allow your friend to rate you. Yikes! This kind of honesty is scary but oh so helpful.

This is another of those times when you can ignore useful advice… and stay stuck, or do the process because you’re on fire to kick start yourself into a whole new level of relationship success. The goal? Become the “you” you want to be.

With much love,
Kara

Kara Oh
The Heart Specialist™
DatingSuccessTechnology.com

Relationship Success Systems, Inc.
29438 Quailwood Drive
Rancho Palos Verdes, CA 90275

I was listening to Regis and Kelly this morning while painting my toenails (women understand that you can’t paint them at night because you get sheet marks) and Jim Carrey was on, talking about his girlfriend, Jenny McCarthy. He was beaming that what worked for them is they encourage each other to be themselves. Duh… This is so obvious, but so often missed. If more of us gave that gift to each other, we’d have a lot more happy relationships. (Watch a very funny video clip of Jim being interviewed by Oprah at the Huffington Post.)

My fiance’, Chris, tells me all the time that I’m the first woman he’s ever been involved with that not only lets him be himself, but encourages him to do so. He appreciates this more than just about anything. He also raves about how supportive I am of him, which is part of accepting him for who he is. That doesn’t mean I don’t ask him to  change certain behaviors that irritate me, as he does with me. (In case you’re now wondering, one of his irritating habits is that he does that off-on thing with the gas pedal when he drives. It makes me car sick. When we were driving for hours every day in Scotland last summer we came up with a signal where I just lifted my hand and pushed it forward and backward, rather than saying something. He admitted that  he hated it when his dad did this and doesn’t like how it feels when he does it, so he actually thanks me for reminding him.) But who he is as a man, that’s what I encourage. And he does the same for me. We actually point out what we appreciate about how different we are, even though there are and always will be challenges.

In my book, Men Made Easy, the first secret about men is: Men need to feel understood and accepted for who they are. We all want that, of course, but women tend to be more inclined to feel the need to change men. I explain why in my book. For this conversation, notice how you might be considering getting seriously involved with someone and say to yourself, “Later, when we’re a committed couple, or when we’re married, I’ll get him to change. Or, if you’re list if requirements is too strict, then you can’t even see past something that might be simply an irritating habit. If you offer your feelings with love, they’ll generally want to stop doing something that is upsetting to you. But if you harp on something, and make your partner feel bad and wrong, they’re not going to want to please you because they’re going to feel threatened.

One of the things I want women to understand more than just about anything else is that their behavior can cause a man to adore them, cherish them, want to move mountains for them… or they can cause a man to be repulsed them them. It’s all a matter of wanting more for ourselves, then doing what needs to be done to make the kind of changes that will bring more light, happiness and ease to our lives.

With much love,
Kara

Kara Oh
The Heart Specialist™

Relationship Success Systems, Inc.
29438 Quailwood Drive
Rancho Palos Verdes, CA 90275

I’m in beautiful Tahoe skiing for a week with Chris, my fiance’. Yesterday I came down in a gondola with a woman about my age. She asked if I was married and I told her I was engaged. She congratulated me then asked me how I met him. I told her I hired a matchmaker which, as it always does, intrigued her. After I explained how a matchmaker works, she told me she was looking for a man to be in a relationship with. The first and only thing she said she was looking for had to do with how much money he needed to make.

It scares me how often this is the first thing a woman mentions . Whatever happened to wanting a nice man, a loving man, a kind man, a caring man… whatever happened to looking at how capable a man is of loving and being able participate in creating and sustaining a fulfilling relationship.

Maybe that’s why so many women have trouble finding their “dream” guy. That’s because that dream guy can smell the selfish, self-centered, materialism a mile away.

Men, on the other hand, generally state attractive as their first item, then smart. They also forget to mention wanting a woman who can join him in creating a beautiful relationship that grows in love over time.

I call myself The Heart Specialist™ because my primary goal is to help people get back to what being in a relationship is really about so they can feel deeply fulfilled, not wondering what is missing, but knowing that something just isn’t right. Here’s what needs to be on the top of the list:

• Loving
• Being loved
• Being seen
• Feeling supported
• Feeling accepted for who we are
• Having someone to share your life with
• Having great *sex*
• Sharing deep, heart-to-heart intimacy
• Knowing someone is there for you

Being able to create a truly fulfilling, heart-centered relationship does not come naturally. Nature is about survival. Most of us don’t have to deal with survival so we get the luxury to ask for more. The problem is that most people seem to be focused on what they want, rather than what they can offer and what it means to have love as the center point of a relationship. Kind of like being back in the survival mode.

To create a truly satisfying relationship you need to open your heart and look at what your spirit needs. The outer material things will not hold you in the night. And we all know plenty of very rich people who get divorced… each and every day. How much a man makes and how gorgeous a woman is is not what you build an enduring, long-term, holding hands when you’re 90, kind of relationship.

So the big question is… what do you really want? To get a taste of where your heart is, take our Dating Fitness Quiz. Let it be the first step to having a relationship that will bring true happiness that will last a lifetime.

With much love,
Kara

Kara Oh
The Heart Specialist™
DatingSuccessTechnology.com

Relationship Success Systems, Inc.
29438 Quailwood Drive
Rancho Palos Verdes, CA 90275

A woman wrote me recently asking what she should do with her relationship. She’d been involved with a man for the past 18 months and he hasn’t shown her that he wants anything more than what they have right now. She wants more. Here’s my advice to her, which might be helpful to you:

Hi Kathy,

You are right about men generally knowing right away if a woman is “the one.” But not always. I believe in allowing a relationship to unfold in it’s own time, but everyone, especially when we’re older, needs to determine with complete clarity, what they want, and not settle for less.

It seems that you want a long-term committed relationship, probably marriage? Am I correct? If that is the case, if he hasn’t been talking about “when we’re married” then at 18 months, it’s probably not going to happen.

It appears that you have 3 options:

1) Continue the way you are, not knowing where it’s going but relaxing and simply enjoying what you have

2) Tell him you want to get married (or whatever it is you want, but be very specific) and see what he does, which might be:
a) he might realize he doesn’t want to lose you and offer what you want
b) he will let you know he doesn’t want anything more than you have now
c) he’ll say it’s time to call it quits

3) Leave if he can’t give you what you want and be okay with however your future unfolds for you

Sometimes we stay with someone because we can’t stand the idea of being alone. But to be able to create a healthy relationship, we really do need to be okay with being alone… meaning we need to get to a place that we are enough within ourselves, that we know how to love ourselves and how to create meaningful relationships through friends and family.

Sometimes we leave someone, not realizing that we were so hung up on a fantasy of what we thought we wanted, that we can’t see any other alternative. I knew that I wanted the sense of belonging and being in a partnership that only marriage can give. But because he and I shared that we both wanted that, when I told him I didn’t want to rush things, that I wanted the relationship to unfold in it’s own time, in it’s own way, we were able to relax and enjoy the process of getting to know each other and developing our relationship. Not everyone has that luxury.

It would probably be a good idea for you to have a heart-to-heart, open conversation about where you both want things to go. Be open to what he has to say and really hear him. Then you can decide, together, what should happen next. Be prepared to hear things you don’t want to hear. And don’t get emotional because when that happens, the communication stops.

My book, Men Made Easy, which is one of 3 *free* ebooks that you receive when you test drive being a Dating Success Gold Member for 2 *free* months, would be very helpful for you to have this conversation, and possibly – depending on where he is with the relationship – to get it to turn your way.

I hope that helps her, and if and when you’re ever in the same situation, that it will help you as well. One thing that does make a difference is being very clear about what you want. I have a course with that title, What Do You Really Want?, which helps you get clear so when you meet Mr.  Right, you’ll recognize him.

With much love,
Kara

Kara Oh
The Heart Specialist™
DatingSuccessTechnology.com

Relationship Success Systems, Inc.
28438 Quailwood Drive
Rancho Palos Verdes, CA 90275
Ph: 805-687-2448

P.S. Take the Dating Fitness Quiz and find out how you might be sabotaging your dating success

A common mistake people unconsciously make when they go on a date is to come across as needy. Women do it more then men, but men do it too. It’s extremely unattractive energy. The reason this is so repellent is because every cell of your bodies, deep within our DNA, is set to avoid danger. When someone is needy, it feels like danger to our unconscious mind so we react at an instinctual level.

A needy person requires work on our part and it feels like it won’t be an even exchange, that everything will need to go into keeping this person happy, or financially secure, or whatever it is they are searching for. They feel like they will be a burden… which is true.

Somehow, we can sense that no matter what we might do, this needy person will always stay needy. “No thanks” to that…

There are so many subtle mistakes we make when we date that it’s amazing that anyone hooks up at all. If you want to know what 21 of those things are, you should go over and take my Dating Fitness Quiz. Then, register to listen to a *free* teleseminar this evening on How You Might Be Sabotaging Your Dating Success. You can reserve your spot here.

Dating doesn’t have to be scary and stressful, it can actually be fun. Join me on the call this evening and you’ll see what I mean.

With much love,
Kara

The Heart Specialist™
DatingSuccessTechnology.com