On the View this morning, and everywhere you look, there’s advice on how to “love the planet” by going green. I heartily agree with the wisdom of doing this. And there’s lots of heartfelt pleadings to help others in need. Again, a wonderful idea.

Here’s something I want to propose: Let’s love each other, right here, right now. Maybe I’m old fashioned but it seems to me that if we can develop our skills at loving, we can then spread that love in a variety of venues…. including loving the planet and our fellow humans.
We talk about the 50% divorce rate in the USA. What about people who date for a while, then part. We have no statistics on that. Can you imagine how depressing those statistics would be? When that’s happened to you did it start out with you thinking that maybe this person was “the one”? Do you know what caused things to turn around and go south? Did you learn from each of those experiences so you could go into the next dating situation wiser and better prepared, a little closer to being able to create a great relationship?

It makes me crazy that almost everyone buys into the  “once I meet the right person” mentality. That is not how it works. I suspect that, if you’ve been dating a while, you have met the right person… maybe several different times, but you didn’t have the relationship skills to create the relationship you’re looking for. If you keep getting it wrong, why on earth do you think that just having the right person show up will cause you to magically have the ability and know-how to build a relationship that is fulfilling and filled with love, respect, passion and friendship?

If you need to learn a skill to be better at your work, do you take a class or a course? If you need to get better at golf, you take lessons? Why not take relationship lessons? Why is that so threatening? There’s something about relationships that people think they should already know how to do it. But where did you learn to love and be loved? From you parents? How close to what you want was their relationship? From novels? How close to reality and day-to-day living are those stories? A boring read if it’s too close. Movies? Now that’s a great education… In under 2 hours we go from meeting, sorting it out, having a problem that always gets solved, then prancing off into the sunset, to live happily-ever-after with nary an ounce of strife. Gag me!

You need to wake up, become aware of all that is required to build a strong, healthy relationship that gets better with each passing day, week, month and year. It is possible. I’ve got that because I’ve taken the time and effort to learn how to do it right. My fiance’ tells me at least once a week how unique I am compared to the women he’s dated, the 2 women he’s been engaged to and his wife of 17 years.

I’m not perfect. Not even close. But I do know how to create an off-the-charts relationship that makes my and his heart sing.

I didn’t know what I was doing in my 29 year marriage. We were both docile and accepted the status quo. We were best friends and thought that was enough. Well, obviously it wasn’t because he had an affair, sneaking behind my back, lying to me, and me, all the while, oblivious about what was going on. I was an emotional wreck when I felt I had no other alternative but to file for divorce.

The difference between me and most others is that I used that experience to learn about myself, to develop my strengths, to become aware of what I did wrong, what he did wrong, and how to do it better next time. I immersed myself in the study of what makes men tick, what causes relationship to fail, how to communicate effectively, and how to create the dance steps that a man and woman in love must learn if they are ever to develop the ability to create a great relationship. I know of very few who seem to have that. How many do you know?

With each relationship after my marriage broke up, I learned and developed my theories about what it takes to create not just a relationship that can hold together for 29 years but a relationship that now surprises my fiance’ and I that we love each other more today than we did a year ago, six months ago, last week… that we have the best s*e*x of our lives - yes even after 3 1/2 years - that we enjoy each other’s company and miss each other terribly when we’re apart for a couple of days each week.

I’m not telling you all this to brag… no, I’m trying to inspire you to “DO THE WORK REQUIRED TO BE HAPPY!” It doesn’t happen on it’s own and love will not magically occur simply because you’ve met the right person. You need to prepare yourself so that the next time the right person shows up, you’ll know what to do.

Sorry for the rant but when I get emails from women who do stupid things, then wonder what went wrong… I get kind of crazy. So I beg you, open your eyes, take responsibility for why you don’t have the relationship you seek, and do whatever it takes… but only if you really do want to be with your ideal partner. If you don’t do anything different than in the past, the odds are that you will either stay alone, or if you do hook up with someone, after a short time, you’ll not be very happy. Start with the Dating Fitness Quiz… it’s *free* and then take a risk and order a Personal Dating Diagnostic so you can get yourself turned around and headed in the right direction.

With much love,
Kara

Kara Oh
The Heart Specialist™
DatingSuccessTechnology.com