A lot of women I talk to want to know how to tell if a man is interested. Here’s a question I got from a woman with my response to her:

Dear Kara,
I am terrible at reading signs from men. I never seem to know if they are flirting with me or just being friendly. How can I tell if a man is flirting with me or not? Are there some sure fire signs that maybe I can look for?
Evangeline (28)

Dear Evangeline,
For starters, even though a man might be flirting with you, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything. He probably is flirting if you feel like he is, but it doesn’t mean that he wants to have anything deeper than some fun. If you look at flirting as just a nice way for people to be playful it will help you to relax and simply enjoy the fun and attention.

Because men are afraid of approaching a woman with a request to go out, flirting is a “safe” way to get your attention. If you like the guy and wish him to show more interest than just playing and teasing, sending some signals that will give him the green light is a good idea. If he doesn’t respond then you can be sure it was “just” flirting.�

Here are some signals that you can send that will help let a man know you’re interested while allowing the two of you the pleasure of him pursuing you.

1) Smiling is essential for a man who has sensitivity. Without a smile he assumes you’re not interested and he doesn’t want to be pushy or risk a rude put-down. Not a big wide eye-blinding smile but a more subtle, coquettish smile.

2) Eye contact that lasts just a little longer than is comfortable will send clear signals. Next time you see a man you find attractive, notice how you want to drop your eyes.  Begin to allow that look to linger…just a little longer, with a hint of a smile. Definitely sends a message but yet keeps it feminine, which men love.

3) In conversation, touch his arm a couple of times. That breaks that barrier and releases the tension that’s caused when two people are attracted but not quite sure where they stand. Do it casually in conversation, maybe laughing at something he’s said. Just lean into that laugh and touch his forearm, in a way that says, “Oh you silly, that’s very funny.” If you’re not sure, watch how other women do it. It should be absolutely natural. Practice on friends. Actually, practice all these things, the smiling, the eye contact and touching, on people with whom there is no pressure, people you are not attracted to.

4) Ask questions that get them to talk about themselves…then listen. The best conversationalist is a good listener. They’ll think you’re marvelous and quite witty.

5) Don’t go into very much detail about your crazy side, if you have one. A man doesn’t want to think you turn into a monster before your period, or that you can’t get along with anyone. What men are looking for a woman they find attractive (gorgeous not necessary), who’s happy, self-assured, comfortable with herself, and enjoys being a woman. That’s all. Oh yes, and a woman who isn’t angry at men, appreciates them, and makes them feel special and needed…like a man.

7) Don’t ever be crass unless you want to be treated disrespectfully. Don’t swear and don’t lose control. Be a lady and you’ll go far.

With much love,
Kara

Kara Oh
The Heart Specialist™
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